Let Us Separate Church and Air!
(The Remnant, August 31, 2008)
A proper respect for the 2008 presidential campaign would seem to demand from all Catholics committed to a love of the modern world a forthright condemnation of a terrible threat to human liberty and progress. Yes, Modernity has indeed separated Church and State. But it is high time that a first and crucial step towards the liberation of Nature be made by moving forthrightly to the separation of Church and Air.
Air, after all, is the primary natural mixture of gases shared by every living creature. Not a single one of us can avoid using Air. Is it not, therefore, a horrible imposition on non-Catholics to have to breathe the very Air that arrogant Catholic believers have expropriated, or may soon exploit, with the clear intent of polluting it with statements favorable to their religion? If Catholics have something to say, by all means let them say it, but in a respectable, individual fashion. They must find a way to speak their piece in a manner that does not impose upon the oxygen and hydrogen necessary to the dignity of the worshippers of different deities, from Marduk to Heavy Metal bands. Let Catholics learn to utter their credulous thoughts while holding their breath. This way, unwilling second hand recipients of their exhalations will not have to have their therapy paid for by an already overtaxed health system. Ainsi soit il.
"The Catholic"
(From the Songbook, Gone With the Church. To be sung to the tune of "The Boxer")
I'm a Roman Catholic, so my story's badly told,
How they purged my Faith of substance
through decrees that suited Prots and Reds and Pluralists.
And what came next? Why, all the faithful caught the spirit that lay buried in those texts.
When they flew to the Omega Point, I was no more than a boy,
Catechized by charismatics in the rapture of my Teilhard class in CCD.
Laying low, seeking out the Roman Doctrines that my teachers didn't know,
Learning heresies that Buddhist mystics sow.
Lie-lie-lies! That's all the liberals taught me, lie-lie-lies!
Lie-lie-lie, lie-lie-lie-lies. They taught me lies!
Hunting only for my history, I approached conservatives,
to define Tradition.
But the past that they preserved was the Enlightenment.
How can I bear to recall the Catholic Moment that I wasted wandering there!
Common Sense! In place of Faith, they offered Common Sense!
Founding Fathers, CEOs, and Common Sense!
Then I heard a man in London, Michael Davies was his name,
And he'd kept a careful record of every crime and outrage,
And I cried in desperation, at the price that had been paid,
"I am leaving, I am leaving!",
But I'm Catholic, so I stayed.
Lie-lie-lies! The Left and Right both offered lie-lie-lies!
Heresy and Big Time Bucks, lie-lie-lie-lie-lies!
So I dusted off a Missal and I traveled one fine day, where I'll pray,
In a Church with fellow Catholics at an Indult Mass.
This will pass ... stay ... going home ... hmmmmm.
Lie-lie-lies! The Left and Right both offered lie-lie-lies!
Women priests and Shopping Malls, lie-lie-lie-lie-lies!
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